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On my way K

I Had J Cole’s Apparently playin loud that day. Just the hook I felt comfortable belting out loud though. You know when you just got out the shower from a long day, and its a friday type vibe! "I keep my head high!! I mmm mmm wings to carry me!!!" Phone fully charged, ima boring ass nigga but my outfit picked out regardless how this night pans out. Oh shyt don’t tell my girl yet but i just got promoted to the manager position at my job with this insurance company i been wit for two years.She hates it! And thats not even the good news, check it. A dude from the NBA i don’t know some agent management person muhfucka came in today and liked how i handled numbers, so long story short he offered me a job with his agent agency. He manages all types of players and he wanted me to consult and account possibly for some superstars. Of course the ones he thinks i can handle though ha. That’s great right! Can’t wait to tell my queen!

Although… she a hoe sometime. WHAT!! She be a lil to jolly whenever kyrie irving comin off picks and shit, talking bout stuff that’s irrelevant like “his tights is kinda cute though” like what!? Nigga hit a game winner and you talking bout spandex right now? so I don’t know if it’ll be safe to bring her around my new job haha. Nah thats my boo. That's my everything. Shit she stuck with me through all of the struggle and painful moments like when my mother past... now she can have everything… And i’m willing to give

I wanted to make sure this job was legit before i told her so I’m not gunna tell her this first month. I didn’t even tell her I got promoted at the insurance job she thinks I’m still at. But my moods been up. I been comin home early cause I’m still training, so the kingdom been clean when she gets home, I cook dinner for her and run her bath water, I mean no questions have risen cause money is comin in at a higher rate this month (unnoticeably I guess) #kanyeshrug but two more days, on her birthday i’ll surprise her with a gift she’ll never forget and I will tell her the life changing news.

The day before her bday though, she didn’t come home till late… or early shall I say. I’m cool wit it, I understand its her bday weekend and we're still young I don’t oppose to girls night out. So I woke up kindly to ask how her night was. And I noticed a weird debbie downer look on her face. I said whats wrong baby? But i was just ignored as she jumped in some pajamas and went to bed. Me tryna be cute, I tried to soothe whatever that was going on, whether it was bad night or whatever cause tonight (it’s past midnight) she was all mine. I wanted her day to be special. I’m on duty. I even tried kissing her softly on her birthmark which lied behind her ear to ease the pain going through her head. What could have possibly went wrong?

Happy birth…… she cuts me off to speak her first words of the night.

“I fucked my old friend tonight, and I’m sorry but us, US! Just gotta throw in the towel. (Get’s up and starts getting dressed to go again). "I need something new in my life and exciting and I just wasn’t getting that with you. Everyday you’d come home I’d come home we eat we watch basketball, we fuck sometimes and we sleep. You know Tanner (that’s that bitch nigga’s name) you know he just got promoted to executive sales in his company? he’s making moves at his age its inspiring, it’s something I could tell my parents about, my friends, fuckin Facebook if I wanted. I felt proud of his accomplishment we celebrated and our energy’s just collided tonight…. and I’m sorry for not respecting our matter then. But I’m addressing it now. I’m moving on. You are special but, i need someone who wants more than just the average for themselves. I’ll be back first thing in AM to get my things… (closes door, and leaves)

Ive been heartbroken for months, but that made me work even harder for myself. By summertime I was everywhere and had forgotten about everything! I now am accountants for players such as Giannis Antetokounmpo, Hassan Whiteside, Anthony Davis, & Eric Bledsoe among many others. Caught my boy Kyrie “ Uncle Drew" Irving, one night after the game against the Heat in Miami. Man it's all love anytime we see each other. Its been, damn about a year since we met and pssh seeing this dudes work ethic is crazy! Cant wait to possibly link up and workout with him. Show em why I shoulda went league haha. But oh crazy that night! I uh also ran into my... EX, at the game while I was technically at work. She looked good but better yet shocking. Shocked that I would be there. Her friends came too tryna scope out clients of mine and nba players alike to see if they can sneak in somewhere in Miami for tonight. Goodluck.

I really didn’t speak to her cause I was in the tunnel after the game and caught her eyeing from fairly decent courtside seats. After not telling her for so long that this was why our evenings in the month of August were so boujee (as she called it), she finally got the clue after of my new success after seeing Kyre and I exchange daps before he headed out to the team charter.

Driving my modest new BMW to the airport to catch a morning flight back to Los Angeles for even a bigger power move for the future, I begin wondering why love is so delicate. Why is image more important then history together… chemistry. If they’re was one thing i could tell her back at the game it would be... before categorizing me in a selection based on your opinions and outlook on life. Before being scared to love cause of status, acceptability, remind yourself. Diamonds ae found in the rough. And I have a horrible memory on what you had said to me entirely but really ask yourself now, What do you Mean Average.

Everybody stares at us. Girls from our school scold us from all races whenever they see us together. Guys verbally give him a hard time saying that he knows his mama won't accept me if he brings me home to meet his family. They joke right in front of me.
You see my boyfriend is black, and me being a Caucasian girl myself has brought the most judgement our way since we started dating. My parents are the biggest critics since we've been together. For some reason they think me dating him will automatically forfeit my opportunities in life and therefore be the downfall of my success, brainwashed by drugs, sex, dirty money, and unplanned children. Little did they know my boyfriend was majoring in diagnostic medical sonography just like me and we actually met in class. He's very intelligent, caring, goal driven and to be honest becoming the love of my life. But for everybody else its a red flag.
According to some non existent rule, our species has to marry their own race! Or face backlash from those you make uncomfortable. I thought I could come to my parents for advice who have been happily married for 25 years now, but it seems my parents too have became the ones exampled in the Daquan memes. They really think my future is at stake and that with the life I oh worked so hard for is in jeopardy falling in love with a black man.
You know what though? I'll invite him over for dinner and once they see his soul and mind, maybe it can open up theirs. My parents resilience to the situation is real though. Every week their exuse to avoid the encounter is oh "this weeks not a good week hun" Bullshit! Both my parents are retired and mainly just drink wine with friends and play yahtzee on Wednesdays. So they too are fully disapproving of my companion.
My brother that Friday, brought over his new white girlfriend to meet my parents though. They loved her ! She spoke three different languages, and studies nutrition at the University of suck up bitch. Sorry but she made some bad racial remarks that ticked me off and that should never be repeated. It was just a little too politcal for sharing, but my parents agreed and elaborated on it as if I wasn't in the room with the black boyfriend! Hello I know people who wouldn't take kind to these insults! So after that night with lil miss thang who by the way cheated on my brother the very next week and broke up with him, I attempted a heart to heart with my family.
Before I spoke a word they interrupted me and said "now listen hun, you and that boyfriend of yours cannot and I mean cannot be together anymore..... without you guys coming for Sunday dinner every week."😌 Im in shock at this point! Damn near in tears, wondering what got into them the past hour after dinner to change their minds. Supposedly they realized the ignorance my brother's now ex girlfriend showcased, and didnt want to fall in that category of not trying to understand other cultures. In plus my parents deep down didn't like her. They were only being nice because my brother is a little emotionally invested at times about his girlfriends.
My parents finally got to see that despite what the world thinks we would be alright together. My boyfriend passed my parents test, and showed exactly why I fell in love with him in the first place. He complimented my mother, respected my father and even during my cousins graduation party connected with my grandmother as if he was already part of the family. It seemed like my family was turning for the good and accepting something that's completely different into our family circle.
He of course had to gloat on his new internship to my mother and a few of my aunts one night at dinner, explaining his rigorous schedule and duties per week. My mom commented back to him estonishingly "Wow, I mean you're really taking on a lot at such a young age, thats not average for a first year pre med student." But in the back of mind I knew I had a keeper, so I said to myself playfully.... What do you mean average?
This journal entry was 4 years ago today. And today I'm ecstatic to tell you today is our wedding day.Happy Valentine's day 💜

I have wanted to run away for days…months… years now. I have no personal belongings besides whatever I could fit into my backpack. Most of my friends think I’m dead, my family has abandoned me. I am not alone in how I feel.
I guess you could call me a nomad, always in travel. I hate to settle down, never knew the feeling at all. Whats next? My parents hated I dropped outta school to become an actor. I just feel better being somebody else. I’m nobody, just air, blah. What good am I if no one loves you right. Side note, I have social media strictly to see what you’re up to. I can tell you’re doing better than me though. That’s wassup.
But being on the move is tiring, I necessarily don’t know my destination, I just know i’m trying to pursue a dream, I don’t sleep much anymore so that might be why I lost sight.
I had to assure my parents who have disowned me for years that I am just... living. I’m not doing super hardcore drugs on the streets of New York or scratching my ass on the couch. But I’m not Alex. I know you and his parents talk at gatherings and you feel embarrassed cause he’s home for the holidays after graduating from law school which he attended on full scholarship for playing basketball. He’s perfect!! But when I come up its… “yea he’s doing aite, just uh living by himself.” Didn’t wanna tell em I work in fast food didn’t ya? It’s temporary but only I can see my own vision. The world is blind to my matter. Blind to my beat. I know where I am going, and when I get there, rejoice!! And rekindle our relationship we once had.
A stranger stopped me on the train the other day and said nice smile kid, whats an average kid like you doing up so early on a saturday, don’t you have plans later with friends?” I responded sir, I have saved money for the last 5 years to move here to pursue my dream of acting. I work full time to pay bills, take acting classes 3 times a week, do freelance model gigs on weekends with various brands including my own, played as an extra last week in a tv show Ryan Murphy produced, liked my charisma and determination sooooo much that now I'm on my way to audition for the lead role in the next season of the same tv show. Producers say i’m a shoe in since my habits became brought to attention by Ryan himself. I show up early to the set as if I had lines that day, watch them set up, do my thing and stay after my scenes are done to study the other characters and vibe of the whole show production. Shit I damn near know how the writers want the finale season to go! So yes I agree this is abnormal for a kid my age, but excuse me…. what do you mean average?

EEELL GROSS!! Someone yelled from a far as I kissed my boyfriend from the opposing school after the game. I mean cmon my nigga its 2017, we still gotta go through your out loud insecurities? Some old heads, stood staring in shock as if they saw Tupac’s ghost behind me, but nothing to see here! It was just a peck anyway! Damn! Ya’ll should go check ya’ll own sons and daughters under the bleachers perhaps instead of shaming me and my feelings. How is it that awkward that you can’t even look at me when I say hello to you after the game Mr. and Mrs. ____. I literally have to have a helmet on to be acceptable. For you to make me feel like I’m part of the community, a part of your family. It’s hard enough being black and going to a private school, and I’m aware that my ways brings judgement but, why in a negative way?
Of course word got out and the seasons now coming to an end. I broke the school’s record in pass and rushing yards by a quarterback, I was MVP and All- State First Team. We lost state, but I still managed to play through the slander from the opposing team not only to top their Quarterback who has a full ride to Roll Tide, but to break another school record for most wins in a season, which for my team and I is something we will cherish forever. But you not looking at that are you? After this miraculous season, I have yet to receive a phone call from any college prospects. None. Like foreal my nigga? Are you guys on dog food or what? My local Junior College is begging me to come play for em but I had already set my mind on playing D1 ball somewhere. Why, whats the hold up? My coach brought me to his office to explain that no college coach wanted me to in his words “you know” in the locker room and didn’t want me to be a distraction. A distraction!!!? I’M GAY not "Sanduskying" players in a place of business!! Like bruh? Do you even see me? I am a 4.0 student in honors classes. My SAT scores are in the top percentile, Oh!! Not to motherfuckin mention I have over 180 hours of community service my senior year alone!!! Their should be no questions comments or concerns just a date of when the first day of training and classes start. Just cause my sexuality I have been banned, shunned! I have been locked from my dreams over someone else being uncomfortable. I’m way to qualified for the quarterback job and all these coaches are scared that I’m going to ruin locker room moral? Their cover up excuse is that oh well gain a few more pounds and we’ll see if we could work something out in the near future. We have a lot of recruits right now and we think your one of many that could possibly uplift this program so fingers crossed. Riiiiight... I’m just tired. I ended up going to the JC but not to quit, but to prove. I’m still with the same guy I have been with since Junior year of high school. Fuck ya'll I’m not giving you his name. But yea I came I saw and trying to conquer. I again set the school record for passing yards. They cannot not not accept me now. A few letters lingered but in the end I signed with San Jose St. ESPN had the nerve to say I’m coming in with little experience against top competition and that I am an average quarterback. Have you checked my bucket list!? Did you read the story? I know I’m different and it scares you, I know I’m not your average Black Quaterback.I'm going league! So what do you mean average?

By Xavier McCall

Whatchu Mean Average?